Monday, June 7, 2010

:'(

gosh. my eyes hurts. hmph. we all thought that it is just a normal red eye. but when we go n check it. my eye nerve actually burst. doctor still gv me some medication to relieve da blood clot but if it wont melt , i had to do operations. sigh. im so.. suprise... no wonder it hurts like hell. if i complain to my parents, they say im jz being a baby. but see now..! my gosh....

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

i miss my puppy, may ur soul rest in peace..~~

my puppy died 2 nites ago. i was devastated. for i love him so much. my mom keep on tellin me to gv him away but i juz couldnt. i feel to attached and so bonded to him. sundya afternoon, after got back frm KITA 2010, i directly take a nap. coz i was tired. i didnt see him first. then, my cousin told me that my puppy couldnt stand. i ran outside n saw himm lying in his cage. i try to lift him but his body was too.. i dunno hw to describe. he's crying. he's struggling for life. bubbles comes out from his mouth. he wanted to eat but he couldnt even lift his head up. i try to feed him milk with bottle but he juz cant do anything. i called GUMA if he can help. he came. n he said we need to bring him to da vet. but, its sunday. all da vets were closed. so i plan to do so da next morning. i watch him moving here n there. truggling for life. he's just a baby. i keep on holding him to let him noe dat he's not alone. by 948pm, he seems okay. so, i leave him for a while. to take a shower n eat. while i was in da shower, my bro call me tellin me to go downstairs. PAPI died! oh no. i was holding my tears. i was with him all evening. i regret it so much. i blame myself for leaving him there. dat nite i cry so hard. i even try to comfort myself tellin me that hey, its jz a dog. but.. i juz love him so much. i couldnt go to work da next morning. so i jz stay at home.
i still remember his face until today. how my day r so empty without him. however ,
there were 2 things dat bugging me...
1. how did he suddenly become so sick..??
2. why did i leave him, even for a while..??
hrmm.. i miss him. i really do. i still have his collar, his bottle. he is such a lovely puppy. he likes it when i play with him n he'll sulk if i ignore him. he likes to sit beside me. he loves to play skateboard..!! ohh.. i miss you puppy..!!! i really do.
:'(
love ,
manda

Sunday, May 16, 2010

ring a bell

short.simple.sweet.
dats how i described my K.I.T.A 2010 experience. i met few new friends. they're great! da input was great too.
its like smtg we know but we didnt realize.
its very usefull. really need somebody to ring a bell in ma head. everything dat i noe n aware of but i juz dun want to bother.
ok now what's next..? Alpha team training's comin up. wow. im not even in da campus yet. wat if i dun get UNIMAS. wat if i get another offer...? sigh.
i can imagine what will life be after dz. for now im busy working. 2 weeks from now i'll QUIT...!
i hope. i wish. i pray...
- dat i'll b able to face the world outside there for i noe its so much bigger...
- dat i'll b able to keep everthing in place despite all da huzzy buzzy life ahead...
-dat i'll be able to keep in touch with da ppl i love , dat love me , dat i dun really like , dat dun like me... gv me da stregth to forgive n forget..
- and many moreee....
abba father, i believe in u.
love,
manda

Monday, March 22, 2010

the starter

im back....!!
wow. wer have i been. matt keep askin when i'll update my blog. hrmm.. i have so much to say but i jz cant describe it with words. im gonna start with my experience during dz lent seasons. few years back, either its lent or easther or christmas or whatever the season is, no difference for me. but this year, i kinda feel like dat im 1 step ahead. i began to understand the whole concepts n yes i believe in it.
but, somehow i feel like im close to GOD, i tend to ran away. i keep makin mistakes over n over again n it does makes me feel bad but i just cant help it. trials after trials come n i jz cant bear with it anymore. whyyyyyyy....?? the more i want to repent, the closer i am to sins.
what is this about...?
hrmm.. 2 weeks left for this season. i hope tmr willl be a better day for me. i really want to live my life as a faithful servant of God though i aint holy. hmph...