letting it all out

i realize that, everytime i feel down, i'll talk to my blog. why.? i dunno. i just dun have anybody interested in my story. i thought if i always be there for people, someday, when i need somebody, they will be there for me.. but guess what.. NOT!

its sad to think like this. coz im not sure why. maybe its just me. my insecurity. how can i open up if i feel like people are always judging u. sad...

i feel used. i feel lonly. i feel sad. pathetic. i feel ugly. i feel rejection. i feel sadness. i feel frustration. i feel like i dun deserve all of this feeling. i try hard to be presence to everyone that i know. and what does that got me into. why is it so hard to fit in. am i not worth it LORD.?

i feel alienated. i noe im not smart. i dun study hard stuff like science or engineering or medical or pharmacies.. its just accounting. i noe many people look down on me. i dun get scholarship to study at overseas like the rest of people. im sorry that im so stupid. when i say something, no one's gonna listen kozz.. im just a LOSER.

i noe some ppl will straight away judging me by this post. i dun care okay. u guys are no better. stop bringing me down. stop using me anyhow. just leave me alone. let me live my life peacefully.

i have a lot of friends. and they are wonderful. just that.. i still feel lonly. not sometimes, all the time. i feel like i dun speak their language. i dun have what it takes to be in their league. nobody likes me. people will use me to get to my friend. always happen like everyday happen. fuck and shit!

everything is a lot more easier when i got YOU. but now that u decided not to love me anymore.. i left with nothing.... NOTHING! damn. can i like disappear now.. pppfoff! vanished...

DAMN U LIFE! WHY U HAVE TO BE SO HARD?

out of the blue moon

woahh.... i cant sleepp and i guess i dont have anything to do.. dat is why i update my blog. i keep changing color because... im just bored.. ;)

anyway.. time to be serious. im single now.. and yeah.. still tryna get used to it. the thing is.. i dont know if i should move on or nt coz... everything is left hanging... so yeah... i sucks..

its not easy to forget 4 years relationship. it feels like part of me is gone. ive been dreaming of the day i finally can let go but when it comes.. im so not ready fr it...

i guess love is funny. once u had him u dont want him then u lose him u love him kinda thing. i try to make this as funny as possible ...

truth is.. im hurting inside and nobody noes. i keep asking myself.. WHYYYY???? why me.? after everything we've been through.. i dont deserve this. he is such a jerk... he's gonna pay fr it... i hate him. i wanna kill himmmm. im so pissed...

but then i realize... im just wasting my time hurting myself, my heart, my feelings fr a guy that doesnt even care... and so.. still tryna move on. but i guess now is nt da time...

i'll keep posting. and i wanna do experiment.. how long does it takes fr me to move on.? hahah... till then...

loves,

manda.

haha

since im here. because a friend of mine askin me how to update the template. wow. i even forget my password. haha. heyy. my blog. ntg much in u haa. =) i miss u blog. will try na find the subject fr this blog. soon